I had a chance to catch up with a long-lost schoolmate recently and he’s still a single man while I’ve hatched two eggs thus far. Me and him go way back, therefore, we can have conversations related to ANYTHING on the planet. On this meet up, while sipping our coffee, a woman sauntered into the café. My friend nudged me with his elbow and whispered, “Wow, this is a hot one”. I looked quizzically over at him to see if he was kidding.
This woman wore a low V-neck hot pink halter top, was wearing at least 3-inches at the heels, had a briefcase in hand. Her hair was immaculate and tied up in a neat little bun behind her head. Her pouty lips were perfectly gloss-painted and her makeup wasn’t screaming. It was made up to look natural. More importantly, it was her dressing that said it all…a low V-neck that showed ample cleavage and long pants covering up-to-the-neck legs. But here’s the thing…well, there were three things that struck me as odd.
One, the woman came in hand-in-hand with a…not a man…but a little girl in tow.
Two, she didn’t have an hour-glass figure. In fact, because her long pants were kind of tight, there was a slight hint of a pregnancy tummy.
Three, she wasn’t the conventional beauty either. She didn’t have sharp features or anything. She was more the next-door-neighbors-kids-aunt than hot MegaStar stuff.
But my friend was gawking, anyway. I couldn’t help myself, so, I asked. “She’s hot? She’s carting a daughter and looks just about our age and you think she’s hot? She’s not even pretty looking or anything. She looks absolutely normal!”
My friend spent some time revealing some insider secrets of how men like their women and what they find sexy in a woman. First of all, he said women are most beautiful when they APPEARED confident. “Confidence says a lot about a person and it works like a charm. The more confident you are, the sexier people will think you are. It’s like, even if you’re 10 pounds overweight and you carry yourself well, you’re still attractive”.
I sniggered and gave him the ‘Yeah, sure. Right. And the world is triangular” But he persisted. “It’s true. A confident woman is good in bed. A confident woman is good in the board meeting. A confident woman is stunning on stage. A confident woman looks like she’s got the world under control even if she doesn’t. Now, THAT’s sexy”
And the bun worked? The daughter? What was it that made that particular woman hot? He checked her over again and said, “She’s immaculate, Marsha. Look at her. The way she sits, the way her hair is tied up in a neat little bun, the way she’s sipping at her coffee. I know she doesn’t have a knock out body or anything like that but it’s the way she carries herself that makes a man want to…I don’t know…get to know her better. I think it’s sexy even though she’s obviously married and is a mother now”, he shrugged and smiled.
Wow…there’s hope for us moms out there, isn’t there?
I gave the link of tis article for my friend to read, she couldnt believe the words coming out from the guy’s mouth.
So basically, it’s hard to believe a guy would actually overcome the norm by saying tat somebody else’s mum is hot where we gals deem it as normal looking.
Perhaps it’s a case of taste? Or pheromones?
I personally think that most guys when they see a woman tagging a kid along, the very first thought of “A confident woman is good in bed” just went out the window. Kids turn most guys off (except the husband), in my opinion la.
PS : Oddly, guys w kids turn women on. Hmm..
That’s what I thought too….it was a strange conversation…something you can record down and look at later on in life and bua-ha-ha over or something. Maybe he’s right, I don’t know. My friend is straight…his taste may have change over the years. Maybe he’s been hooking up with girls in ponytails one time too many. Maybe he’s REALLY looking for a mother figure or something. I don’t know.
But it surprised me as well…that’s why I am blogging on it.
The reason why we say kids are a turn off for men is because that’s what we believe. It depends on the state of mind of that fella lah, I guess. Dunno….
p.s. Those guys with pot bellies? Nah!! No way! Can hardly find a father who is like hot or anything these days….hardly. If you’re one, click on the ‘contact’ tab…there, there….right up there at the top of this page lah.
Nice to know, Marsha, that Ah So-like mummies can still command that type of attention.
How come I carry attache case, wear suit and high heels but still do not turn heads? Wah, I must be really ‘hopeless case’ or your friend is the only who is attracted to a mother in suits. Maybe I don’t exuberate with confidence. I suppose there is no chance for me after all!
lydiateh….it’s really quite nice to know. I was quite surprised, myself. That’s why I gawked at him.
Judy, YEAH…we have hope. The thing he said to focus on was our mental state and our level of confidence. Not the suit and briefcase…so…hee he hee…I should have asked him ‘If a mother walks up in her PJs and without makeup BUT look confident, would he still think she’s hot or not?” Damn. I will ask him the next time we meet.
You know, I quite agree with your friend on the confident aspect. I have seen, not a lot, a few women who are not stick-thin (heck, they are overweight with very obvious bulges!! Imagine Raven of Disney Channel..) but they look good because they carry themselves confidently! Really. And I really admire these ladies because they don’t bother to hide their flab behind some shapeless tent/oversized tee. There was one lady who wore fitting tees with a sarong skirt and she looked absolutely gorgeous!
Ok…hold it! marsha…I think your friend’s got some problem. Speaking as a totally straight guy who LOVES girls….I strongly suggest you tell your guy friend to do some checking in his head.
For a guy to find a ‘out of shape, straight bodied, fatty tummied’ mother interesting??. What the??
Let’s get this straight : Guys do NOT find a woman walking with her kid(s) interesting or attractive…unelss she’s so damn pretty lah..but still, guys will only look for awhile before they look elsewhere.
Guys do NOT find any woman who looks confident sexy. It’s so simple and so true: Guys are sooooooooooo predictable. If you wanna know what guys find as interesting…just remember this:
Wear the shortest skirt,3 inch stillettos, lowest neckline and figure hugging dress or skirt you dare to wear…and don’t bring your kid(s) with you when you are out. That’s what make a girl interesting to guys. NOT a mother with a kid beside her…no matter what ‘confidence’ philosophy or ideology.
So there.
killer guy, well, to each his own, I guess. Your thinking is very typical of a…erm….the kind of man we feminists refuse to acknowledge at all.
You’re one of the very populous breed of men who look too little beyond the skin, that’s why. But I guess my friend is part of the rarer breed…more the kind of man women are looking for. Hee hee hee….I expect some tembak-ing here during practise already!!!
Much as I love Rain for his body, (still a hot blooded mama, ok?) but I say women look way beyond that when it comes to what makes a man sexy. The character and how the man holds himself is very important. If handsome-handsome but talk and act like a 9-year-old FORGET IT!! Intelligent and hardworking men DEFINES sexiness…to me. Luckily, there are many such men walking around with extra weight around the belly. Ah well…who says life is fair, huh?
Marsha, yes please ask your friend about the confident woman in PJs and no make-up.
killer guy, obviously you and Marsha’s friend are from different planets. Women are from Venus, some men are from Mars and some from Mercury
Seems to me like you’re in your twenties whereas Marsha’s friend might be in his 30’s.
lydia teh, he’s gonna be so excited that our conversation turned out to be such a debatable topic here. for your info, killer guy is NOT in his twenties! But thinking is a little YOUNGER, I suppose. Ha ha ha ha….I think you’re right about the Mercury bit but Pluto might be more appropriate…further and smaller because I hope that they are in the minority. Some people are REALLY from Mercury a.k.a Pluto….ha ha ha ha!!! I’ve had the priviledge to meet them all throughout my life too. They’re fun while it lasts, I suppose.
I want men from earth or Venus (if got lah) only….Mars also don’t want.
Oh oh ohh……I just thought of something. Ok, I need to define something before you guys bring out the machine guns.
My friend said, HOT and ATTRACTIVE…and he meant that in a ‘long term relationship, get married, have kids, grow old together context’.
NGY and KillerGuy are talking about ‘hump under the sheets’ SEXY.
So, our trains are running parallel to each other but on different tracks.
Wow such an interesting topic and I’m late. Gotta say my piece here. Marsha, I think your friend is entirely normal and very bold going against the norm. He deserves to be congratulated on his good taste and his non-conformance to male standards. His thinking is refreshingly unAsian ;).
Actually why can’t a woman be hot and sexy after she has kids? Not all women let themselves go and dress like ah sohs after they have kids what. Many continue to work at looking good. There are lots of women with kids who still look better than some ponytailers. A lot has to do with how a woman carries herself.
Hi woman,
Wah, hot debate here! But I agree with your male friend. Absolutely! One does not need to be dropdead gorgeous in order to be sexy and attractive. Many of my friends who are attractive aren’t model-like either but they command attention. I have this friend who is not exactly fat, but slightly plump (then again, it’s genetic I guess) but she’s totally the life of the party. She’s fun to be with and guys just warm up to her naturally. Confidence is sexy, Marsha. The best days of my life are days when I look good, dress well, and give a killer presentation and the client says yes. And I have seen hot, sexy mamas with kids in tow. Women over 30 these days aren’t your average everyday aunties or ‘wong meen por’ anymore.
Hey there,
I too agree with your guy friend Marsha. Having married with kids doesn’t mean you have to start looking like ah sohs and stop looking good or even hot. I’m married with 3 boys and yes, i still want to look good and hot. Confidence only comes naturally when you know you still look good or at least you’ve tried. If some women actually find married man with kids sexy or it turns them on, then why can’t the reverse? Honestly, i’m one of them.
Aaaahhh….here comes all my women friends!!! Ha ah ah ha ha ha! Clair, my friend wasn’t actually purposely going against the norm. It was just his first-reaction and I thought it was interesting. But it was really great to know that SOME people conitnue to think confidence is sexy instead of being reduced to some kind of a vase, you know.
Krista, you’ve said it…(eh? no longer using your nick! came out of the closet already?) a big smile, nice dressing and KILLER presentation!
OK GUYS, WE HAVE HOT KILLER MAMA IN THE HOUSE!! Ivy!!! long time no see. when we go party? Ivy’s a perfect example here since she’s come in. She’s got THREE…yes, not one, not two, THREE boys and she’s got a model figure. she turnes heads when she walks…I mean, the kind of turning-of-head that makes the guys’ neck goes ‘whack’! So, I think kids are not the issue anymore cause I think she turns heads with or without her kids.
Ivy, you’re right, why can’t we reverse it? Why is it that the heavy burden of having to maintain and retain figure and looks lie so heavily on the shoulders of the feminine gender? Even if we do, it should be a matter of choice…like, yes, I WANT TO LOOK GOOD and not I HAVE TO LOOK GOOD.
Marsha, it was such a co-incidence that I was on the same topic today with a friend over coffee. If I see her (the lady in your story), 10 years ago, I will probably will not give her a second look. I think after all these years, I think age and experience has thought us “the male” to look beyond looks and all that jazz. I think character (confident is one of them) comes first and then the rest. Well, at least for me. So am I normal ah?…hahaha…
Yes, thankfully, Yew Meng, you are among the rare breed of dependable and can-be-counted-on men on the planet. But act fast to spread your personality because your breed is becoming extinct already! Come to think of it, the girl we saw was pretty GOOD LOOKING and ATTRACTIVE without the knockout figure. She was just really…confident and very immaculate. Like not a hair out of place, very nice smile, gentle head-nodding, soft-spoken, gentle and just very feminine without having to look like a show horse.
I guess we can’t stop some men from LUSTING after mini skirts and heels. By the way, you want to know how terrible it feels to wear minis and high heels…ask me, ask me! Pure torture….pure torture.
Killer Guy disappeared oredi. Cannot tahan all the females coming out in full force, hehe.
Marsha, I said Mercury because it’s nearest to the sun - hot. But my first thought was Pluto.
Krista, did a double take there when I saw your name. So the name is out!
Lydia, Killer Guy did not disappear and Lydia, he said he liked you already because you said he could be in his twenties. Ha ah ha ha ha….He’s WWAAAYYY older than that. Ha ha ha ha!!!
Yeah, Krista’s always been Maya Kirana and suddenly saw “Krista?” Came out of the closet!!
wahh…very popular topic, eh this one? So many comments!! But views from only 2 guys (3 if you count your male friend).
I wish I can be as feminine as the mother in question, but then again, I have always a bit of a tomboy…
i’ve always been a bit of a tomboy as well…cause always have more male friends than girl friends wan. dunno why. it’s always been like that since school days too. but that doesn’t mean that we cannot be attractive or sexy what, right or not? I think it’s a personality and character thing…sigh…so subjective. I guess it’s true that beauty, INDEED, is in the eye of the beholder.
For me..the more feminine a girl is…the more attractive she is. As simple as that. guys do not like Tomboys if given a choice between a feminine and tomboy.
Why wanna go for a girl who behaves like a guy?. sheeeeesh…
If you are girl…you should enjoy the priviledges of being a girl: Ladies Nite, infinite range of bikinis, lingerie, Skirts, Dresses, crazy shoes, ants, Blouses, make Up etc.
I also personally dislike and loathe girls who smoke. I think that’s so low class and these are really ‘useless’ girls…no matter what you all say.
The moment a gorgeous girl lights a cig and smoke…her ’saham’ straight away jatuh 1000%! Those non-smoker guys (like me) always find girl smokers a BIG, BIG turn off. If you dont believe…ask non- smoker guys whether they’ll wanna date girl who smokes. 10 out of 10 will say NO! Why?.
Because it’s a major turn off. You will always see girl smokers with their bf who are also smokers. Very few girl smoker with a non- smoker bf. Go figure.
Oh…by the way…to all the smokers here…lung cancer is gonna get you. It’s only a matter of time. Happy puffing!
How come I know EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE??? But how come you’re speaking from behind the curtain?? Ha ah ha ha ha ha!!!
Of course you know who. Isn’t it obvious?? Me speaking from behind curtain?. Thats coz I just bathed lah..not wearing anything. Bwahahahaha….
hey all, im a 26 year old female, and im not exactly slim but im not fat either, im told ive got a very beautiful face, and boy oh boy do I love to dress up, BUT my male friend says that my confidence is what needs the boost, I mean ive always been very shy and withdrawn and ALOT of people mistaken this for snobiness or “hey shes not interested” but believe me I am SOOO interested and im just so bloody nervous when it comes to the oppisite sex, boohoo yah it has made guys wonder “does she like me?”. And even though I have curves a man would oggle and a pretty face im always attracting some kind of looks but im just MAD crazy with how Im so self consious, and the kicker? well I have three kids, YAH 3 and im a dam prould mommie, so makes a guy like a girl like me? well for one, I naturally have this “sway” if you may when I walk and I fake confidence even its non exsistant, so my opinion? guys love overall appearence first glance whether ur pretty or not, and I use to sit and wonder “why does he like her?” she not even pretty? but its in the way she holds herself and if she is attuned to her appearence or at least LOOKS like she is then guys go gaga, but im still sittin here wondering “how can I keep that guy I like interested after initial looks? can anyone tell me? im totally clueless how OR why men find me sexy ( as mike says) cause hon’ I just dont exude confidance, lol!! oh well just another opinion tata! PS: oh and I do smoke!!!
girl if you know u look good and u at least “fake condidance” then uve got it!!! judging by what you say about ur appearence, you sound like a hot MAMMI!!! just remember if a man even act the slightesst interested EVEN after ur “commonlaw” has practically killed him, even if he still stares, remember, he still thinks ur HOT!! and so do we!!
What makes a woman beautiful is being totally uninterested in males, totally absorbed in doing good things for the world like helping the environment or changing the world for a better place or on a pilgrimage to “know thyself”, being thoughtful and considerate, being virtuous or somesuch noble aim and forgetting about males 100% completely utterly and totally.