I’ve wanted to write something like this for the longest time, really, I have been meaning to write an article like this but never did have enough support and material (and GUTS) to do it.
You see, let’s start with how to evaluate the term ‘housewife’. When you think ‘housewife’ or ‘SAHM’ (Stay At Home Mom), you think of an overblown Barbie doll with five kids hanging off her skirt, broom in hand, unkempt hair and leftover carrots and peas hanging off her smudged apron. Not a very ‘sexy’ image.
On the other hand, think career woman and you think of the actual Barbie doll with heels so high that she’s literally tipping over, she has immaculate dressing, articulate communication skills, laptop over shoulder with a big job title and huge pay at the end of every month. Very attractive….
Which brings me back to my point…this is a case of housewife vs. career woman. Who is worth more? Actually, if you look the word ‘housewife’ up, you’ll see that the term ‘housewife’ is referred to as a kind of occupation…a usually unpaid occupation with primary aim of caring for the family or kids. It’s a job…an unpaid and inglorious one at that. But why?
Caring for loved one is the most important career ever…and I mean, EVER; and we’re practically doing it unselfishly and unconditionally for the sake of the family. Then how come whenever you mention that you’re a stay at home mom or stay at home dad, people give you that….’Oh, so, you don’t work, huh?” look?
In fact, if I had it my way, I would go all out to employ housewives for one simple reason….they are capable of handling stress (think multiple screaming kids and a whole load of laundry to wash, dry and fold) and is so diverse that they can literally do four persons’ job at the same time! As a housewife, they are involved in personal work, volunteer work, outdoor activities, education, religion, health, cooking, hygiene and general medicine! Wow, eh?
And funnily, even as a WORK at home mom, people look at me funny, as in…. “You don’t have a job?” to which my quick retort would be, “Yes, I do. I have a job…two, in fact”. A blank look follows and I quickly explain, “One, as a mother/wife. Two, as a copywriter and designer. Which one do you want me to elaborate on?”.
I think people should give Stay At Home Moms a whole lot more respect that they are getting right now. After all, if you drag a SAHM out of her home and plonk her in one of those nice cushy CEO seats, she can probably do the job decently well. But if you drag a CEO out of her top floor office suite and make her take care of an army of kids, cook, clean, bathe, tutor and manage the home, they’re a goner before the day is gone. Wouldn’t you agree?
Touche, Marsha.
If I say I’m a housewife, I get a nonchalant look. If I say I’m a writer/author, I get a respectful look.
Common, ain’t it?
I guess people perceive that it is easier to become a housewife than it is to get a job.
To get a job you need years of education to attain a certificate and then go through countless gruelling interviews. Then you have to fight with the other dogs in the corporate world to gain your spot.
Unfortunately the training and battles of a SAHM is not as visible. There is no “housewife university” and we do not attain certificates. The only ladder we climb may be the one to the attic. Our success cannot be measured by the size of our bank account but rather the skills, character and strengths of our children.
I guess what I’m saying is SAHM don’t get as much respect coz’ their investments and rewards are not visible to the many short sighted people of the world.
Sigh, this mentality definitely has to go. Isn’t it amazing how we would go to any lengths to stay ahead with fashion and movies, yet our mindset seems to remain stuck in the rut forever?
Lydia, PRECISELY my point! I mean, it’s like if no one is paying you a monthly salary, you must be worth…nothing. I hate that kind of perception, you know. And till today, I would jump and defend (very fiercely) housewives because I know (NOW) how much effort it actually is.
Lian, you’re right about that. It’s really strange but I contend that we can measure how well we’ve done by looking at how well-taken-care-of our kids and husbands/wives are. If they’re happy, we’ve done a good job, right?
Clair, Asians where can change wan?? I mean, look at our government….urgh! To others (main the West) change is sometimes regarded as good. To Asians, a change is bad. So, all this while housewives are second-class HUMAN BEINGS, why change?
I blog at leisure but still some ppl guess that I’m a homemaker. Why? Only homemaker is so free to blog issit and someone with a decent job cannot blog issit?
hijackqueen, yeah, i had that too. one day, my friend something like…”ya lor, you so free, of course got time to blog mah. all you do is sit around at home wan”.
That fella really kena from me, ok? had to spend me a jug of beer for that stupid comment! hee hee hee…
I am learning to hav a lot of respect for SAHM, more so if they are both mother and working from home.
Career women with high heels n dog-eat-dog attitude? Aint so healthy nor pretty. And shorter fuse too.
Heard of desperate housewives? They’ve changed some of the SAHM perception, but still at elementary level in Msia.
Nowadays we also got Stay At Home Dad aka SAHD.
If one gives the nonchalant look for SAHM, wat does one say for SAHD?
Double standards exist here for me. But I guess, if a couple priorities so one may stay at home to nurture the younglings into better adults while the other brings bread to the table, well..kudos to both.
cheers.
ngy, you are right. if it’s bad for SAHMs, it’s even worse for SAHDs cause their primary role (according to the unwritten society rules) is to bring in the bread. if they choose to stay at home or work from home, imagine the kind of blank stares and blunt criticisms they get!
It’s like…if you’re not employed, you’re probably worth nothing kinda thing…which really cheeses me off!!
SAHM versus career girl??? I personally commend both. I’m a career woman, 28 years in Coporate American with a 6 digit income. I strut high-heels 8-10 hours a day while managing 20 employees. I look beautiful when I leave my home in the morning, and I look beautiful when I return. Of course that may be a matter of opinion, but I don’t allow anyone else to define my self esteem or self worth, and my fuse is no shorter than the next person’s.
I’ve raised a beautiful, happy, healthy, and educated daughter while working 9-5. I maintain a home, I have an on-line business, I Blog, I produce a monthly Newsletter, and travel extensively as well.
People make choices, and they should be respected for whatever they choose. Career women keep working it; SAMH learn to respect yourself and what you do and SAHM versus career women won’t be issue!
Great post, Marsha. I love what you wrote about employing housewives.
I also agree with one of your commenters, Rhonda… I find I get less negative comments from people when I’m really confident in what I’m doing. SAHM and Dad’s.. be proud of your “job”.. is *the* number one job, second to none…
Rhonda and Judi,
I totally agree with what both of you have said….regardless of whether you’re a SAHM or career mom, as long as you are confident, you will get less negative comments. But in Asian countries, you’ll find it a little bit more challenging to change the mindset of people.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a WORK at home which means that I stay at home AND work at the same time. But it’s pretty difficult for SAHMs to feel confident when they don’t have as many opportunities to meet with people beyond her family members. I think this is predominantly why some Asian SAHMs have quite low self-esteem. I am looking at some of the SAHMs I know, I mean. I am not stereotyping…I hope.
The modern SAHMs and WAHMs believe in what you guys are saying but what we mean to say that a small portion of the society (our society) still look at stay at home moms in two ways:-
1. You have a rich husband and you don’t need to work. You have a maid at home taking care of the cooking, cleaning and babysitting. Your primary responsbility is to go out shopping and look good.
2. You work like a dog and you don’t earn an income. Your husband gives you money and you spend it on the family…period.
It’s really backward thinking but some of us still have to suffer this kind of lukewarm reception towards our stand.
For me, I want to BOTH work and be with my kids, therefore, I have chosen to work from home. I have to add here that the reaction we get as WAHM is better than the kind of reception we get when we say we are SAHM.